Write my Android Application Description

We have an application that we would like a description written for. See below for further details: Section 1: The app is a checklist for places a person has had sex. We would like the description to be humorous and use sexual innuendo without actually using the word sex anywhere in the description. The app has 100 locations, split into categories, easy medium hard and impressive, it also has a statics page which can be shared to create competition between friends. The user can also recommend places to add to the list. We will provide a list of places that are included in the application, please use some of them in the description Section 2: We would then also like a section to describe what will be coming in later versions: -private groups -increased competition -time competitions -checkins -more social interaction - i.e. images and videos and story telling