Screenplay - repost 2

Take the action-drama rough draft I have begun and polish it to professional standards:

1. Look for opportunities to add interesting twists to the story that I may have missed.

2. Add details that bring each character to life.

3. Reorganize the story to provide better pacing and structure.

4. Bring the character arc of the main hero and her father to a satisfying conclusion.

5. Find the right colloquial expressions to juice-up the dialogue for added credibility

6. Add action that creates dramatic climax.

I will keep this request for bids open a while longer until I am sure all qualified bidders have had a chance to review and decide. We are in no rush, as production is mid 2015.

I just noticed that re-posting has caused the previous bidders to disappear. Please re-bid as I did not mean to delete your bids from consideration.

She leaps up several stairs and HOOSHMAND turns in time to receive a roundhouse kick to the head. Big muscular hands slash at ADRIEL as she leaps to the ground and tumbles, slashing as she falls. A ribbony wound is open in HOOSHMANDS side. Enraged now, he swipes at ADRIEL and grasps a knot of hair. ADRIEL tugs back and slashes at her hair to cut it free. A series of parries and ADRIEL is down, her face smashed against the floor. She falls limp.

HOOSHMAND and wounded SARAH's eyes lock - there is nothing she can do now. HOOSHMAND picks up ADRIEL as if she were just a toy, and carries her to the light to look at her.

HOOSHMAND

A child...a child...

He sighs heavily. Sits cross legged on the floor and pulls on ADRIELS hair to expose her neck to his blade. She regains awareness and begins to struggle violently, but HOOSHMANDS massive arms have her in a headlock now, and her legs and hands can do nothing. Her tiny fists pummel the side of HOOSHMANDS face, but his mind is elsewhere.

He is inspecting the tip of his blade as it slowly dips to her neck, and it fascinates him. Her neck, his blade, her neck. ADRIEL is writhing but she does not cry out or beg for mercy. Her hands have HOOSHMANDS wrist in a tight grip now. HOOSHMAND looks again at SARAH, who has stopped moving but is watching HOOSHMAND, eyes wide, breathing quickly. He watches the glimmer of his blade against ADRIELS neck. A moment passes. He can see himself in the reflection of his blade.

He drops the blade and kicks it away. It slides with a clatter. Releases ADRIEL who rolls away, coming up in a crouch, HOOSHMAND's knife ready. She is out of breath, critically examining HOOSHMAND. Neither moves while looking into each others eyes. Time passes.

HOOSHMAND

She will bleed. Cut my sleeve off for a bandage.

A moment of uncertainty. ADRIEL cuts off HOOSHMANDS sleeve and rushes to staunch the blood loss from SARAH. She keeps a wary eye on HOOSHMAND.

HOOSHMAND

Give me a daughter that fights like you, and I will conquer the world. Your beliefs are stronger than mine. I will follow you.

ADRIEL opens SARAH's wound and presses the cloth on it firmly. SARAH tries to get up but a big hand holds her back down.

HOOSHMAND

You will be fine little girl. I will be sure of that. You go. She is safe now, I swear it.

HOOSHMAND elevates SARAH's legs and takes off his shirt to cover her. He opens his cell phone and dials.

HOOSHMAND

We are the ones who have kidnapped the police hero. There has been an injury. A girl. We are on Fraile Island. Yes, now.

He turns to ADRIEL.

HOOSHMAND

Go.

Edición

Nº del proyecto: #5368385

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